Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
