I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
