after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
