Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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