it's too hot outside to masturbate.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
