I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
