i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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