K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
