Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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