i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
