im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
