I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize