I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
