I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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