I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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