Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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