Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
