She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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