I'm so fucking centered right now
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
