yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
