i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
