$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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