porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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