he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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