he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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