Betty ford says i'm here all night
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
