You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
