I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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