I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
