he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
