Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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