Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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