my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
