I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Green mimosas i think yes
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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