Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
