I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
