Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
