He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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