I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
