Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
