I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
