Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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