Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
