I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
