The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
