So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
