You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have feelings that need drinking.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
