You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
