I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
