watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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