he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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