i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
