why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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