i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
