Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
