Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it's like iHOP with fire
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
