1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Randomize
