If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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