3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
