In the future we'll all be gay
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
