Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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