My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
