Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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