Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
