If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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