In the future we'll all be gay
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
