Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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