Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
