Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
porn star boner night. come get it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
And then he peed in my hair
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