I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
