I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize