i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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