I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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