what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
