O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
