Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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