ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
