He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
