there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
