I wish I could teleport
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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