I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
