i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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