grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
