I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
