I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
