Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I touched a dick in church today
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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