There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
