I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize