If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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