these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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