maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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