I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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