I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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