Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize