I want to make a zoo with you.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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