Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
