I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
