my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
