cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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