"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
